I read today that seven of the eight US recontruction projects in Iraq are non-functional. Some of them are even abandoned! Your tax dollars hard at work!

Read about it here.

Found this today. I think it’s well done.

My good friend Jeremy sent me a link today to this picture:

God made all things, he made plants and the earth, and we should love them because it brings us closer to Him. He also made dog’s butts, and I love them because they bring me closer to Him. If you can’t love a dog’s butt, you’ve no room for Him in your life.
Use a condom though, for God’s sake.

Happy Friday!

I awoke to the CNN breaking news alert on my phone today with the news of the death of Kurt Vonnegut.

As a long time Vonnegut fan, I was saddened by the news. So many things can be said about the man. He was a visionary, a great writer, and more importantly, a fantastic story teller. Those of you who haven’t read his books should brush up. They’re quite good. Comical stories of far off lands or impossible situations which metaphorically represent some twisted aspect of his life experience were his staple. Sure, he wrote some bland fiction, but novels like Slaughterhouse Five and Breakfast of Champions were truly his best work.

Goodbye Kurt, you will be missed.

I’m sure some sick bastard already thought of this but I’m blogging about it so there!

Ok, here’s the idea: Rapture Insurance! Yeah, for a paltry sum (less my management fees of course), we can build an annuity for the unsaved loved ones in your family. Should the Rapture come and you’re whisked away into heaven, your policy will pay off immediately protected your unsaved family members.

Sounds like a good idea to me. It would be a Christian thing to do, take care of your family that is.

We left Ocala at 09:30 for the drive home yesterday. We were doing very well until we got close to Atlanta. We sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for nearly two hours and traveled about 20 miles. It totally ruined our time. We were on track to make the trip in 5.5 hours. The traffic (caused by an accident) bumped that to 7 hours.

Nothing angers me more when driving than people who travel in the passing lane. For those of you who don’t understand the significance of the left hand lane, please read this. The left lane is for passing slower traffic. Yet almost everyone travels in this lane and doesn’t yield when you come up behind them. But some people insist on driving (slowly I might add) in this lane and not moving when you come up behind them. Perhaps it’s their way of imposing a speed limit on the rest of the world. All I know is that it is illegal (in most states) to pass on the right. And, with these idiots in the left lane, they force me to either go slow, or pass on the right. I just don’t think it’s fair.

What I noticed yesterday (and I kept count) was that most of the people hanging out in the passing lane were from Georgia or Florida, and had a christian fish symbol on their car. You can flash them all day long and they won’t move. They must be praying or something. Who the fuck knows. They’re certainly not paying attention to what’s going on behind them.

So yesterday, after I’d had enough of the bad driving on I-75, that it’s time for the Rapture. Yep, right now, bring it on. Get all these stupid fucks off my planet. Think about it! A shitload of people that I pretty much can’t stand will be gone in fell swoop! I really think it would be fantastic.

No more fighting over human rights like abortion and freedom of speech. No more traffic jams on sundays from their churches. Hell, no more churches! But best of all, no more of these jerks in the passing lane.

Our last day of vacation got off to a bit of a rocky start. Our plan was to get up early (around 08:00), pack up, leave the parents house, drive to Busch Gardens, leave at around 19:00 and drive to the La Quinta in Ocala. There we would stay the night and get a 2 hour headstart on the drive home on Saturday.

What actually happened is that we got up around 09:30, packed up, said our goodbyes to grandma and grandpa and got on the road around 11:30. During this time we decided that Busch Gardens probably wasn’t a good idea this late in the day. We talked about a water park but I didn’t feel like trudging through another water park. So we talked to some friends who suggested a couple of things. We decided that we’d drive into St. Petersburg and visit “The Pier“, then go to Ybor City and visit GameWorks.

We arrived at The Pier around 12:45 and made our way to the top for some lunch. We ate a place called Cha Cha Coconuts. Not bad, not great. We ate outside in the sunshine and had a pleasant lunch despite the chilly wind. After we ate, we checked out all the stores and things inside the pier. Neat little shops. We bought some souveneirs and headed outside. We decided to go on a boat tour of Tampa Bay on the Dolphin Queen, This was interesting but certainly nothing spectacular. We saw some dolphins and the captain kept seeing manatees that would mysteriously disappear when we came around to that side of the boat. It was a nice pleasant ride however, and, had it been 10 degrees warmer it would have been great. The cold just made it a little too unbearable.

After the boatride we paid a guy $5.00USD for some fish to feed to a flock of pelicans that were waiting for more people to give their buddy $5.00USD. Maddy and Cassandra fed the fish to the pelicans and a good time was had by all. We retrieved our car from the valet and off we went to Tampa.

A quick jaunt up I275 to I4 dropped us at Ybor City. We quickly parked (valet $3.00USD) and went into GameWorks. Neat place, kinda like Dave & Busters if you have one of those near you. Basically buy a card for $2.00USD and fill it with points. The various video games and stuff cost points (usually 10 or so). We’d arrived during happy hour so the games were half price. We bought a $25.00USD card and received 480 points and played games for what seemed like an eternity. We had a hankering for Mexican food so I’d been asking around for a good restaurant. Nobody knew of any. I also found out that my children are NOT good at Dance Dance Revolution.

We left to get our car and I was asking the valet about a good restaurant and a passerby overheard and directed us to Algusto in Tampa. We drove down there and found this small place. Good food, decent prices, but they charged for chips and salsa ($4.95USD)! Pretty bogus in my book. We ordered cheese dip and chips (no refill on chips either) for an appetizer. Maddy and I split a combo fajitas and Cassandra sampled the Chimichanga. The food was good, albeit salty. Definitely not authentic Mexican. I swear, if this is the best Mexican place in Tampa, I feel sorry for that city.

Anyway, we were on the road again at 20:30 and off to Ocala to claim our room. We arrived around 21:45, checked in (express check-in) and got to our room. We filled the ice bucket, got some sodas and munchies and retired to watch some TV before bed. We’re going to aim for being on the road by 09:00 so it’s time for bed.

Today was the “lazy day” for spring break. We went out for lunch, shopped at Target, swimming for a bit, resting, then out to dinner at a neat little place in Osprey called La Tosca. From a recent review:

“Located on the second floor at the Bellagio Harbor Village in Osprey, La Tosca overlooks Little Sarasota Bay. Three walls of windows means every table in the main dining area has a water view. Décor is sophisticated and simple. The menu includes traditional Italian fare, but don’t miss the chef-owner’s imaginative creations: Carpaccio di Manzo alla Tosca, raw beef layered with Belgian endive, cherry tomatoes, avocado and hard ricotta cheese is irresistible. Every bite of ravioli filled with portabello mushrooms and butter and sage sauce was heavenly. Pork tenderloin with mustard balsamic reduction was enough for two meals. Tiramisu was a bit bland, but the lemon sorbet made up for it. 576 Blackburn Point Road, Osprey; 941-918-8041. Wheelchair access. Reservations recommended.

It was nice, but not my type of restaurant. The food was good, service was so-so. Attentive, but slow. The owner came out as we were paying and insisted on giving the kids ice cream. We’d already been there two hours and just wanted to leave.

After dinner, I promised the kids I’d take them to play laser tag at a local “entertainment” facility. These are becoming more and more popular. This particular place, Livingstons, was decent, but, by the time we’d arrived, was starting to fill with young adults. In the front is a new-age arcade. In the middle is pool tables and a bar. Out back is an indoor go cart track and laser tag.

The kids wanted to do laser tag but there have to be six people minimum to play. No one else was in line. So I convinced them to go cart and we’d try the laser tag afterwards. The go carts were fun. Cassandra drove herself and Maddy and I shared a car. She drove, I was the unwilling passenger. Remind me never to let an 8 year-old drive a go cart next time, ok? It was fun and I only thought I was going to die about four times.

We went back to see if we could laser tag but no one was waiting so we got another ticket for go carts ($9 per person). I figured the kids could take one and I’d watch. They waited in line but finally were told that an adult must accompany children who can’t drive. So Cassandra couldn’t drive Maddy. We went back to the ticket window and got our money back which we quickly converted to tokens and hit the arcade.

Here’s where my story becomes a bit hippocritical. I like to play poker. I appreciate the game and the skill involved. When I go to Las Vegas I shy away from table games where the house has an edge on the player. I like games of skill versus games of chance. So yes, I gamble, but only when I mostly control the outcome.

These new-age arcades, if you’ve not been to one, offer tokens for children to play games of chance where they win tickets. The tickets are cashed in for “prizes”. These “prizes” are crappy things not worth the money spent to get the tickets to buy them. I think they were really started back when Chuck E. Cheeses started getting popular.

I gave each kid $5 and said go nuts. In about 10 minutes, Maddy was back asking for more money, very agitated and crazed to “gamble” more. She wanted to spend her own money on tokens for more tickets. I wouldn’t let her. Cassandra on the other hand was more judicious with her tokens. She played one at a time, watching the machines, seeing which payed off.

I saw again how this activity is really gambling for kids. It’s indoctrinating them into the world of lotteries and Indian casinos. As I myself occasionally gamble, I see nothing wrong with this activity with one exception: for adults. For kids however, I find it a little too over-the-top. In any case, they each got about 200 tickets and for that they each received: a whoopee cusion; a paddle ball; and a cheap Rubic’s cube. Certainly worth less than $10. But that’s how those places make their money.

I shouldn’t bitch, I took them there. I just feel icky when I leave.

When you get to be my age you really think you’ve seen a lot of crazy shit. However, tonite I think I saw some new crazy shit. This place I went to with the kids had a bathroom with urinal stalls that each had their own door. Something I’d never seen. So I went in, closed the door, and found a nice little turd in the urinal.

What never ceases to amaze me is how much better I feel about myself after visiting one of Florida’s fine water parks. I gain confidence. I feel fit and in shape. I feel that my tattoo isn’t to garish or poorly drawn. I feel I have good posture; am a good parent; have excellent dental health; and a whole host of other things.

I don’t want to put down the patrons of these establishments en masse. I’m sure most are fine upstanding citizens like myself. However, I do not think you get a broad sample of the population. It’s a smaller subset, to say the least.

Today I took the kids to Adventure Island in Tampa, FL. This is adjacent to Busch Gardens, the Disney on the west coast. I’ve not been to Busch Gardens in many years (about 23 actually). We may go on Thursday or Friday. We’ll see how sore I am tomorrow before I commit to another day’s long trek through low-brow Disney.

It’s a very nice water park. Nicer than most I’ve visited save Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach. Those are my two favorite parks. It’s well landscaped and has decent rides. And my Florida driver’s license got me a $10 per ticket discount (bonus!). The food is ridiculously overpriced and offers little in the way of nutritious value but it wasn’t horrible.

All in all, a good day, fun for the kids, fun for me. A definite win-win.